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    Image: Halestorm, Into The Wild Life, Pitriff, heavy metal, reviews, interviews Halestorm
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    Image: Marilyn Manson, The Pale Emperor, Pitriff, Modern Metal, Reviews Marilyn Manson
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Image: Tankard, A Girl Called Cerveza, Pitriff, Heavy Metal News, Reviews, InterviewsTankard
A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA

As a thrash fan, I always try to give all these bands the benefit of the doubt. Tankard is one of those bands that has just never done enough to grab me though. I don't know why. I don't know if it's the silly imagery, or the fact that they really don't write much more than silly, frat boy thrashers or what, but for whatever reason, this band has never caught fire with me.

A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA doesn't change that one iota. Listening to this release does pretty much what every Tankard release does to me - it forces me to think about a lot of better bands of the same genre and wish that I was listening to them instead of Tankard. Songs like "Witch Hunt" are a prime example. Technically, all the elements of a good thrasher are there, but the riffs just sound tired, as do the vocals of Andreas Geremia. For me, Geremia is a big part of the problem. His mish mosh vocals just don't have the fire of a Blitz Ellsworth, Tom Araya or even a Rob Dukes for that matter. They just lay there over song after song, which makes a full trip through A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA a struggle of epic proportion.

Musically, Tankard stays fairly tepid and dull throughout as well. For a thrash band that does play every trash riff you've ever heard other bands play, they are the definition of "standard". Guitarist Andreas Gutjahr is probably trying, but song after song on A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA just lay there because of stale riffs that really don't lead you anywhere at all interesting. Songs like "The Lady Metal Boy" may feature Doro Pesch, but they should have brought in some guitar help instead...like maybe one of Kreator's axe-slingers. Overall, the performances from all the musicians on A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA are OK, but do nothing at all to make them even a little memorable.

PITRIFF RATING - 42/100 - I'm just not feeling it, much like I regularly don't feel what Tankard are doing. This is one of those bands that I've always wanted to like but just couldn't find enough reasons to...and that remains true now. I'm sure my European friends are spitting at their screens right now because of the sacrilege of hammering this band, but I just don't get these guys at all. A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA is typically average thrash from a band that's probably too old and set in their ways to improve or develop any further. My recommendation is to pass on this and buy the new EP from Havok.

Chris Akin

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The shockingly honest and emotional first book from radio personality and rock critic Chris Akin.

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