• Wretch - WARRIORS

    Image: Wretch, Warriors, Review, Power Metal, Chris Akin, Pitriff Wretch


    There's an unwritten rule that I rarely follow here in Cleveland. That rule is that if a band is from Cleveland, I'm supposed to write all glowing things or else be called a hater by the local community. It's sad that it's like that, but the truth is what it is. For years I've lived with that stigma, to the point

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  • Machine Head - BLOODSTONE & DIAMONDS

    Image: Machine Head, Bloodstone & Diamonds, Pitriff, Review, Thrash Metal Machine Head


    What happened to Machine Head really is a crime. Unfortunately for them, it's a crime they perpetrated upon themselves. With a mistake so many made in their youth, this band singlehandedly torpedoed themselves from ascending to the heights in metal held by only the select few like Metallica and Megadeth before them. After THE MORE THINGS CHANGE came

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  • Nashville Outlaws - TRIBUTE TO MOTLEY CRUE

    Image: Nashville Outlaws, Motley Crue Tribute Nashville Outlaws


    With the music industry pretty much dead anymore, nothing really comes off as shocking. After all, you have very desperate companies trying to hang on and make money from an industry that has about as much relevance today as the typewriter ribbon makers of the world still do. The current trend for the last half decade

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  • Texas Hippie Coalition - RIDE ON

    Image: Texas Hippie Coalition, Ride On, Heavy Metal, Hard Rock, Review, Classic Metal Texas Hippie Coalition


    I tell this story often, but it's one of my favorites of the past year. I had the chance to interview the Texas Hippie Coalition earlier this year at Rock On The Range in Columbus, Ohio. I was in a small tent with a bunch of photographers. The tent was fairly quiet really, as the much bigger adjacent

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  • Sammy Hagar - LITE ROAST

    Image: Sammy Hagar, Lite Roast, NonMetal, Review Sammy Hagar


    I get it. You are Sammy Hagar. You've seen huge success in virtually every world you've entered. In music, he was the main focus of Montrose. He parlayed that into a very successful solo career. That wasn't enough, so he joined the world's largest band at the time (Van Halen), and took them to commercial heights that even they

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  • Cavalera Conspiracy - PANDEMONIUM

    Image: Cavalera Conspiracy, Pandemonium, Pitriff, Death Metal, Review Cavalera Conspiracy


    There's always good news and bad news whenever Max Cavalera gets busy with new music. The good is that you get a whole lot of new music, seemingly all in a very short time. The bad news is it's generally spotty at best, because he simply writes and releases too much music at the same time. His band Soulfly released

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  • Slipknot - .5 THE GRAY MATTER

    Image: Slipknot, .5 The Gray Matter, Pitriff, CD Review, Modern Metal Slipknot


    With a ton of speculation and even more wonderment on this band's ability to continue on without founding members Paul Gray and Joey Jordison, Slipknot has returned after far too long of a layoff with .5 THE GRAY MATTER. I've listened to this release multiple times a day for the last week or so that I've had it,

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Image: Bret Michaels, Jammin With Friends, PitriffBret Michaels

Concert Tickets

Have you ever watched some really b-level porn? Nevermind...y'all have and won't admit to it. When watching that porn, have you ever seen some of that more brutal "throat rape", where a dude literally chokes a woman to the point of passing out with an aggressive thrusting designed to blow out the back of her skull JFK style? Did you ever wonder what the chick was thinking at that exact moment? You have to image she was thinking, "man, this seemed like it would be a great idea before we started, but now I'm realizing just how awful this is and how detrimental this could be to the rest of my life." Listening to Bret Michaels' JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS is pretty much the same. While it may have seemed like a good idea at the time, the result is just another horrific example of the fact that Michaels is barely a musician anymore; more interested in a name-dropping fest than actually putting any sort of effort into providing a quality product to the sheep that still buy his garbage.

Every possible thing that could be wrong with JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS is, with the exception of the production being solid. That's actually to the detriment of Michaels though, as it really proves just how lazy his performance is time and time again. His vocal performance of the overdone, repeatedly reworked Michael's penned Poison song "Nothin' But A Good Time" is abysmal. It's nearly a spoken word version of it, made far worse by having to tolerate shitty yelling by rapper L'il Jon. It's literally unlistenable, much like damn near every other song on the disc. Once again, Michaels finds that it's not worth the effort to write much new material for his fans, instead opting to once again prostitute both the Poison and solo catalog to remake songs that were barely necessary in the first place. Here's a hint to Michaels - we know your daughter's name is "Raine", and we know that song is special to you. Ultimately though, it's a shit song that very few people liked then. Reworking it and adding the great Edwin McCain to it does not make it any more tolerable.

When Michaels does write some new material, it's pretty much as abysmal as anything that's reworked poorly here. "You Know You Want It" is the worst song of Michaels' career, and just might be the worst song ever recorded by a formerly platinum selling artist. It's an embarrassing attempt to write a song for the dance clubs. Just imagining this 50 year old guy crooning to bitches to back up on his dick because they know they want it is pretty pathetic and poor. But that's Michaels for you in 2013; a media whore desperately trying to prove that he's still relevant and "hip" to the kids. Another original, "The App Song" is just as bad with all it's references to being modern. We get it, Bret, you have a smartphone. It has apps and you can text with it. Thanks for clearing that up. I'm sure 10 years from now when all that technology is dated, you'll rerecorded this song again and just replace the words with whatever technology is popular at the moment. That's the lazy way out, so it's expected.

PITRIFF RATING - 1/100 - There's a list of albums from 80s artists that are pretty much the worst of all time from the genre. Such jewels as Gene Simmons' A$$HOLE, Lynch Mob's SMOKE THIS, Dokken's SHADOWLIFE and Motley Crue's GENERATION SWINE all are on this list. Fortunately for them though, Bret Michaels keeps putting out solo albums that push them down that list. JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS though might just have cemented the #1 spot forevermore. As God awful as it gets, you are better served to carve your ears out of your head than to listen to this.

Image: Cause/Effect Metallica, Chris Akin

A look at one of the most polarizing, iconic and best selling albums of all time from author, rock critic and shock jock radio host Chris Akin.


Buy Now:  Paperback    Digital

Image: Little Victories, Book, Chris Akin

The shockingly honest and emotional first book from radio personality and rock critic Chris Akin.

CLICK HERE to learn more about LITTLE VICTORIES.

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Available January 13th in Paperback and Digital Formats on Amazon and iTunes.

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